Directionally Challenged

Last week I was driving to Ostia, a seaside town that can boast of some of the most beautiful beaches in Lazio, to visit a friend. This drive isn’t normally too difficult and on a good “traffic day” I can make it in 45 minutes (during rush hour it takes twice as long).

You know, I’m a pretty good driver. I feel confident in most traffic situations. The thing is, I am completely directionally challenged. Without a map I’m lost. Well, truth be told, I’m often lost with a map too (why are they so bloody hard to read?). This is what makes my husband and I a fantastic team on the road; he reads the map and I drive and together we are like a well-oiled machine. He guides me calmly, surely. I get us to our destination safely and quickly.

Last week on the way to Ostia, with the kids bickering in the backseat as they are prone to do and me humming along to whatever song was playing on the radio, I realized that something was different. I was expecting to drive into Ostia but the streets didn’t look the same. The bustop signs said Ostiense, not Ostia. I’m getting an uncomfortable feeling – you see, I had no maps with me and, this being Italy, there are not a whole hell of a lot of assistance to be had from street signs. Where is Ostiense? And how do I get to Ostia from there? I had no idea.

I’m thinking that surely after the next crossing there’ll be some information about which road to take. Surely. Ok, maybe after the next turn. Surely? No.

So I do what any sane person does at this moment – I call my husband and whine.  But before he has even gotten Google map up on his screen I’m gasping at my end. No… surely not… Rome? Center of Rome? Is that the Tevere river? Oh, bloody hell, it is. How can I be driving on a smallish road on my way to Ostia and suddenly end up in the bloody center of Rome? Deep breath, no panic.

“Husband, get me out of here, RIGHT NOW!” I am driving on Lungotevere di Trastevere, a three-lane busy-as-hell street along the river and I have no idea of where to go. Panicking? A little.

Surely you can see what a feat it was for me to get from Grottaferrata
(Frascati on this map)   to the center of  Rome, while actaully on my way to Ostia?

With the love of my life trying to guide me out of Rome and to Ostia, the bored and restless kids pacified by the candy I so cleverly brought with me (mother’s instinct?) and me trying to take deep breaths, while cursing in any and every language I know over the lack of vital information a driver needs to navigate to his or her destination in this country, I finally reached Ostia – an hour and 20 minutes later than planned, but with a few shreds of sanity still intact and with a clear instruction to my husband:

I need a GPS.

This arrived in the mail yesterday:

A roadtrip, anyone?